Monday, March 28, 2011

That Dreaded Number

I know there are some of you out there that read my blog that are over thirty. I, in no way, think of you as "old." I don't want you to be offended by this post, because obviously, to me, you're not old and I don't think of you as old. Unless, of course, you really are old, and in that case, it's not me being judgmental, it's just a fact. And you can't argue with fact.

With that said, I don't want to turn 30. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I just can't handle it. I think I even told Cody the other day, "I'd rather die than turn 30."

Dramatic?

Yes.

True?

No. (Not to get all technical about how dying really would be wonderful and on and on. Because then it would be true. But no, I don't want to die. Stop freaking out.)

I don't know why I feel like 30 is old, and I know people say that as you get older you can't believe that when you were 16 you felt like 25 was so old, or when you turn 30 you realize 50 isn't old...But I'm 24 and almost 1/2, and to me, 30 is old.

The 30-year-olds that I know don't seem old. While they're talking I don't look at them and pretend to be paying attention while I'm really thinking, "You're 30, you're 30, you're 30..." But for some reason, I just can't handle it.

I was out visiting teaching yesterday and in talking to my companion I learned she is 29. I always thought she was my same age. But she's not. She's 29. She's about to take the plunge. And I felt a little bit sorry for her. Ok, a lot sorry. Just because soon she'll have to say, I'm 30.

I want to lay my head down on my desk in defeat....And honestly, I wrote that because I just did. I feel like Rachel did on Friends in the episode about her 30th birthday. Remember? How sad she was? Except I'm feeling that way 5 1/2 years too early.

I just can't turn 30. I can't. I don't want to. When I'm that dreaded age, Chloe will be 9. Preslie will be 8. I got married when I was 19...Chloe could too, I guess....That means I could be planning a wedding for my daughter when I'm 40.

Oh, I can't handle it. Be still my heart.

I don't want anyone to think I'd give up what good things, and bad things, will come in the future, because I wouldn't. I would never give up my girls, or my husband, or any of the things we have gone through together. So I can't say I want to be 18 forever or 20 forever, because then I wouldn't have some of those things. I don't hate life. I honestly, am a very happy person. I just don't want to be 30. Even when I turn _ _...can we just say I'm still 24 1/2? Maybe I'll rethink things when I'm 31.

Maybe.

9 comments:

Beema said...

Susie - you're only 8 so don't worry about it! Geezo-pete!! You are too funny. And if you think about it - Ryn never even made it to 24...so sad. So don't be wishing you can stay 24 forever, cuz that means that you died, and I can't handle that. E.V.E.R. again.

the milners said...

I so get it. I had a mini-meltdown when I turned 26 because that meant I was closer to 30 than I was to 20. I didn't like that at all. Then, when I actually turned 30 I had a major meltdown. But I don't think it was all because of the fact that I was now 30. I kind of like being 30. It definitely had a lot to do with things I don't have that I thought I would have by this age...but still...it was a hard thing to swallow.

Doug and Alyssa said...

I understand. I freaked out when I turned 26 because that's "late 20's". I don't feel 26. And I definitely won't feel 30 when I get there. You can just stay 24 for a while. You don't have to tell anyone your real age:)

Kellie said...

You are hilarious. But c'mon...are you kidding!? I'm looking forward to my 30's. We'll be done with school (hopefully have a little more cash flow :) I'll be done having kids sometime during my 30s (although I love babies, it will also be nice to have a little more freedom with older kids that don't need so much one-on-one attention!) I hear 30s are awesome.

Nielsen Family said...

Try to take comfort in the fact that apparently "30" is the new "20" (at least that's what my brother said when he turned 30 and 31). It hasn't hit me yet, but at 28 1/2, it will probably hit me soon that I'm close, but I still think of myself as 23 or 24. Just be glad you're not Joey on the Friends episode and you lose a year.

Ash Kelley said...

hahaha. Stacey I feel the saaaaaame way! I try not to think about it. Because its pretty depressing and it's still 6 years away! Chin up because you don't look anywhere near that age and won't look it when you hit it!

Diary Of A Phat Mom said...

stacey you crack me up! i couldnt wait to be 30. because, despite the fact that when i turned 30 i had been married almost 4 yrs and had 2 babies. i didnt feel "grown up" i for some reason felt i wasnt actually and adult till i was 30. weird i know, dont ask me why cause i dont know.
i had a HUGE party when i hit the big 30. :O)

Christine said...

I'm 31... I think. I honestly forget sometimes. Maybe I am getting old. :) I don't feel 31. Sometimes I don't even feel 21. Sometimes I still feel like a kid that someone thought would be funny to throw into an adult world and watch and laugh. Sigh...
Then I think about how my mom has KIDS in their 40'S! I can't think about that...

Meeker home said...

Oh Stace...you crack me up. Really, I was laughing out loud. But seriously, 30s are sooooo much better than 20s. You're still young and fit and have lots of energy, but kids are a little older, you have a better sense of who you are, you're making more money, your husband isn't killing himself in school, and so on. At least that was my experience. I would n-e-v-e-r do my 20s over again. But my 30s- I could stay here forever. Capiche? You'll love it. Don't fret.

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