I know there are some of you out there that read my blog that are over thirty. I, in no way, think of you as "old." I don't want you to be offended by this post, because obviously, to me, you're not old and I don't think of you as old. Unless, of course, you really are old, and in that case, it's not me being judgmental, it's just a fact. And you can't argue with fact.
With that said, I don't want to turn 30. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I just can't handle it. I think I even told Cody the other day, "I'd rather die than turn 30."
No. (Not to get all technical about how dying really would be wonderful and on and on. Because then it would be true. But no, I don't want to die. Stop freaking out.)
I don't know why I feel like 30 is old, and I know people say that as you get older you can't believe that when you were 16 you felt like 25 was so old, or when you turn 30 you realize 50 isn't old...But I'm 24 and almost 1/2, and to me, 30 is old.
The 30-year-olds that I know don't seem old. While they're talking I don't look at them and pretend to be paying attention while I'm really thinking, "You're 30, you're 30, you're 30..." But for some reason, I just can't handle it.
I was out visiting teaching yesterday and in talking to my companion I learned she is 29. I always thought she was my same age. But she's not. She's 29. She's about to take the plunge. And I felt a little bit sorry for her. Ok, a lot sorry. Just because soon she'll have to say, I'm 30.
I want to lay my head down on my desk in defeat....And honestly, I wrote that because I just did. I feel like Rachel did on Friends in the episode about her 30th birthday. Remember? How sad she was? Except I'm feeling that way 5 1/2 years too early.
I just can't turn 30. I can't. I don't want to. When I'm that dreaded age, Chloe will be 9. Preslie will be 8. I got married when I was 19...Chloe could too, I guess....That means I could be planning a wedding for my daughter when I'm 40.
Oh, I can't handle it. Be still my heart.
I don't want anyone to think I'd give up what good things, and bad things, will come in the future, because I wouldn't. I would never give up my girls, or my husband, or any of the things we have gone through together. So I can't say I want to be 18 forever or 20 forever, because then I wouldn't have some of those things. I don't hate life. I honestly, am a very happy person. I just don't want to be 30. Even when I turn _ _...can we just say I'm still 24 1/2? Maybe I'll rethink things when I'm 31.