Monday, December 21, 2009

My Last Post as a Mom of 1

And it's not going to be good cause I don't have much time.

It's already 11 pm and I'm going in to be induced tomorrow morning at 7. Well, I have to call at 6 and make sure there's room...But I'm assumming there will be and then I'll be going in at 7. I really hope I get an ocean view room. How awesome would that be? I think it would be ultra relaxing. Cross your fingers.

I have so much flying through my mind...But I don't know what I want to say. I really think all will go well and work out exactly how it should, and hopefully by early tomorrow afternoon we have a new baby with us! I am so sad to leave Chloe and give her up as my only baby...But I'm hoping that when the new baby comes I realize that I'm not giving up anything-I'm just getting more.

Today in Sacrament meeting, someone sang one of my absolute (and probably everyone in my family's) Christmas songs- Guard Him, Joseph. As I was listening to the words I was just crying and crying (I would've started ugly crying...but I didn't have any tissues and how embarrassing is that in public??) because I was thinking of how we're about to do this same thing...No, we're not becoming guardians of the Savior of the World, but we are becoming guardians over one of Heavenly Father's little girls. His very own little baby daughter. And that's a huge responsiblity!

Guard him, Joseph, as he slumbers, there behind the stable doors
Let no errant sound distress him, tread thou softly on the floor
Linger watchful round the manger; hush thy voice and still the beasts
For thou hast within thy keeping Christ, the infant Prince of Peace

Guard him, Joseph, through the darkness; watching o'er him till the dawn
Bid the shepherds enter meekly, stand in wonder, gaze in awe
Trim thy lamp and shield thy candle; see they burn all through the night
For thou hast within thy keeping Christ, the everlasting Light

Guard him, Joseph, from all danger; keep thy vigil nigh his bed
Let no harm nor grief befall him; stand thou in a father's stead
When his mother's arms be weary, hold him gently as thine own
For thou hast within thy keeping God's own well-beloved Son.

The last verse is my favorite....When it was sang today, and he said-When his mother's arms be weary, hold him gently as thine own...I just lost it. I was picturing Cody taking Chloe from me, as he often does, to help me whenever I am overwhelmed or need a break, or just because he wants to play or hold or love her. And I know he'll do that with the new baby, too. All this time I haven't been worried about Cody needing more love for the new baby; I knew he'd have all the love in the world for her. It's just me I'm worried about! I talked to Amy tonight and she said her friend was worried about that, too, with her second baby, but that he "brought the love with him."

I know that'll be true for us. I DO love this little girl inside of me! I really, honestly do. I don't want anyone to think that I don't. Anyone else with 2 kids ever felt like this? I know I'll love her just as much as Chloe, it's just hard to believe since I love Chloe SO much! I just don't feel like my heart can expand to love anything else as much. Luckily Heavenly Father is still working miracles, and I'm sure it'll happen and be more than possible.

So, Chloe, I love you. I have loved everything about you these past 14 months you've been my only little baby. You mean the absolute world to me and I don't know what I would do without you in my life. You make it interesting, challenging, fun, amazing, and worth living. You will probably never know exactly how much I love you. I would do absolutely anything for you and I hope you know how much I live for those little moments that you make the hard times so worth it. I love you.

And New Baby Girl, I love you, too. I'm excited to meet you and see what you look like. I can't wait to feel my heart expand as it makes room for all the new love you'll be bringing with you. I can't wait to hold you and cuddle you and kiss you and love you. I am so excited to see you grow and become best friends with your big sister. I love you.

7 am....Bring it on.


derek and michelle said...

Aw your so sweet. Your a great mom! Good luck!

Christine said...

Good Luck, Stacey. You will be wonderful to both of them! You're in my prayers today, and your heart will grow, and it feels wonderful!!!
Merry Christmas. :)

Grandma Nell said...

Your blog brings tears. You'll love this little one so much - just as much as you love little Chloe. Just think how much we loved you - and you were number 5!!! So, there's plenty to go around! And Chloe will love her too! We love you and yours!

jonandalicia said...

I hope that all went well if you were able to get in this morning. I am so excited to see and meet her and of course to see you guys again!!! See you in a couple of days!!!


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